Career Story
I created this paper for my career counseling class at the University of Rochester. The professor asked us to use learnings from the course to create our own "Career Story", which I have included below.
Career Story
Introduction
This paper reflects on my career story across my lifespan so far. I feel very grateful for my career. My career has been rich and meaningful. I have ordered this paper chronologically using Donald Super's Lifespan theory from Sharf (2013, p. 205), integrating commentary related to the theory at each stage. I have also focused on integrating Hopson and Adams' Model of Adult Transitions from Sharf (2013, p. 264) in the "Maintenance" stage. I have also integrated references to other supporting theories where I felt these were applicable and placed these in the appendices.
Growth Stage (Birth to 11-14)
Growth Narrative
As a child, I grew up in "Outback" Australia, in a traumatic and abusive household. My father coped with his trauma through substance abuse. We lived off of social security benefits, and neither parent worked. We faced poverty. Conditions at home were terrible, with the most complicated issue being the sexual abuse my family faced. This abuse has had a profound impact on me and the way I approach my academics and work. Despite this abuse, I received feedback from teachers that I was talented at schoolwork; this was one major positive in my life. Socially, I was a very awkward and isolated child. Reflecting as an adult, I think I might be on the autism spectrum. I did not understand other people. I fell in love when I first encountered a computer at around age five. Unlike humans, the computer was clear and rational, and I could communicate with it. Technology was exciting; it was oriented toward the future, representing hope for me.
Super’s Growth Theory
Super's growth stage spans from birth to around ages eleven to fourteen and contains several sub-stages: curiosity, fantasy, interests, and capacities (Sharf, 2013, p. 205). According to Super's model of childhood career development, the basic drive of a child is curiosity, which leads to exploration and the acquisition of information (Sharf, 2013, p. 173). Role models (key figures) and environmental information are crucial in this process (Sharf, 2013, p. 173). Fantasy, often linked to curiosity, is also essential for children (Sharf, 2013, p. 180). As children develop and explore, their fantasies evolve into more concrete interests (Sharf, 2013, p. 177), which then turn into capacities, including self-evaluation of abilities (Sharf, 2013, p. 180). Successful development in these stages helps children gain control over their environment (Sharf, 2013, p. 177). As they mature, they begin to understand time perspective and develop the ability to plan, culminating in forming a self-concept (Sharf, 2013, pp. 177-178).
Application of Super’s Growth Theory
Applying Super's growth theory to my narrative, I was a curious child, although abuse limited my exploration. I still found two ways to explore: one was through learning, with schoolwork becoming my main exploration, especially on my computer or with video games. Secondly, I found a love for nature and would explore the forest where I lived. From a young age, I fantasized about working with computers and being a Chief Information Officer (CIO); this would allow me to share my love of technology with many people and improve their lives. I longed to help others via technology. The language of reason that computers used was the only non-abusive one I knew. Teachers reinforced my abilities through the acclaim I received at school. I formed my self-concept around one skill, academic success, and I believed that focusing on this was my only option to escape.
I gained much support from society as I belonged to the majority ethnicity and culture in Australia and was also a man. Due to these factors, I felt I was encouraged and recognized at school, probably more than a woman or minority might have been. I likely avoided additional abuse (such as some types of sexism or racism) by being a white man. Despite having a low socioeconomic status and no religious or spiritual influence other than my Dionysian father, I was able to gain some advantage in the school environment and also find role models and information. Mainstream media and culture also provided important information, but it remains to be determined if this was helpful or harmful.
Additional Analyses
In addition to Super's Growth Theory, I have included an analysis of relational theories applied to this growth narrative, which is available in Appendix A - Relational Theories at the Growth Stage.
Exploration Stage (15 to 18-25)
Exploration Narrative (15 to 18-25)
During this phase, to cope with abuse, I disconnected myself from almost all pursuits other than my academic work. I was able to rank first in my high school as valedictorian. I was accepted to study software engineering at the University of Sydney. At the time, this degree had one of the highest entry scores in the country, alongside medicine. It was a life-defining moment for me to be accepted here; it also meant I could escape my childhood home and move to Sydney. I had to support myself financially as my parents could not assist me. I was unaware of scholarships or how to apply, so I missed these. I obtained a job in a retail computer store, working about 20 hours a week to pay for my college and living expenses.
My grades suffered because I had little time to study outside of work. I also took up weekly binge drinking to cope with stress. I believed that my lack of finances was the cause of my troubles, so as soon as I could, I transitioned my degree to part-time study and sought out any more high-paying jobs I could find. My pursuit of money made me pursue technology sales, where I could make significantly more "fast" money by tolerating unpleasant work. By 2003 age 23, I had graduated with honors (Class II, Division 2; my grades were not as good as I could have done), but I earned over $100k a year in sales for Cisco Systems. I could then maneuver to a job at Salesforce, also doing sales, so I could finally work in the field I loved: software.
Super’s Exploration Theory
Super's exploration stage spans from around fifteen to ages eighteen to twenty-five and contains several sub-stages: crystallizing, specifying, and implementing (Sharf, 2013, p. 205). In addition to these stages, Super looks at how values emerge in adolescence (around ages fifteen to sixteen) as abstract thinking develops. An individual may ask what I value more: making money or helping people. (Sharf, 2013, p. 205-206). Crystallizing often begins after this stage, at around seventeen or eighteen, when individuals clarify what they want to do (Sharf, 2013, p. 240). Will I go to college? If so, what should my major be? (Sharf, 2013, p. 206). Next, specifying is the stage whereby an individual chooses the first full-time job they want to pursue, and finally, implementing is the process of taking actions to make that first job a reality, such as networking, getting career advice, or interviewing (Sharf, 2013, p. 206).
Application of Super Exploration Theory
Applying Super's exploration theory to my narrative, I was allowed limited exploration as a child; my primary value was to do whatever I could to escape—escaping crystallized to pursuing academic success, which would allow me to go to college and be independent. I wanted to work with computers, ideally programming, by around age fifteen. Because I had low self-esteem, I valued prestige, so I aimed for the most prestigious university and degree that aligned with my interests and abilities. During university, it became apparent that I lacked financial resources, so I opted to maximize my income when specifying my first job. I was very proactive in implementing this process. Maximizing income also became linked to a sense of prestige and self-worth, which attempted to compensate for my low self-esteem and corrective action against my family-system trauma, which considered our lack of money the reason for our troubles instead of recognizing the underlying mental health issues.
Additional Analyses
In addition to Super's Growth Theory, I have included an analysis of trait and factor theories applied to this exploration narrative, which is available in Appendix B-Trait and Factor Theories at Exploration Stage.
Establishment Stage (25 to 40-45)
Establishment Narrative
Much of the pain of my youth, I transformed into a relentless pursuit of financial success. After success at Salesforce, I left and started my consulting firm as a Salesforce implementation partner. The firm grew to five staff members, and I sold it to another local organization. After this, I decided to move to the United States, the land of opportunity and home of Silicon Valley, where I could find more success, which I believed I needed. At this time, I made a strategic decision to no longer work as a salesperson. I realized that I deeply loved technology, and I wanted to be technical, someone with knowledge who is respected. I wanted respect to compensate for the lack of respect I received from my family as a child. I decided to take a job as a Solution Engineer, which was the perfect job for me then. This role enabled me to be a technology advisor to salespeople and customers. I rejoined Salesforce and had several years of great success in this role.
The weekly binge drinking that I spoke of earlier had continued during this phase of my life and, unfortunately, had begun to be coupled with recreational stimulant misuse intermittently on big nights out. The details of these concerns are for another time; suffice to say, through the commitment of a clinical psychologist I met in New York City shortly after I transferred there, I altogether ceased alcohol and substance use in 2015. I felt confident after overcoming my substance misuse and decided to embark on another entrepreneurial venture. I co-founded Litify, a technology startup that used Salesforce technology to help lawyers. This company was quite a success. I helped grow it to around 50 staff as co-founder and CTO, and they continue today with around 200 employees and are a market leader in their space.
After departing Litify, I wanted to strive for a work-life balance and focus on my well-being more. I had several peers who had joined Google in their Cloud division, so I applied, and Google accepted me for a Solution Engineer role, which they called a Customer Engineer. Three other notable things occurred in this stage: I completed a graduate program at a business school, my father passed away from cancer, and I met my now partner, and for the first time, I understood what love actually is and that I had been doing love wrong.
Super’s Establishment Theory
Super's establishment stage spans from around twenty-five to ages forty to forty-five and contains several sub-stages: stabilizing, consolidating, and advancing (Sharf, 2013, p. 205). Stabilizing refers to getting started in a job, overcoming initial apprehension, and finding comfort. After stabilization, consolidation occurs in an individual's late twenties or early thirties; having a good reputation amongst bosses and co-workers at this stage is desirable. After this, individuals may move into an advancement phase, seeking more responsibility and authority (Sharf, 2013, p. 245).
Application of Super’s Establishment Theory
Applying Super's establishment theory to my narrative, my career stabilized when I ventured out to start my first consulting company. The move represented a shift from being in direct sales to becoming a technology consultant. A technology consultant is a much better role for me than sales. I enjoyed that people valued my expertise, which matched the recognition for being knowledgeable that I received at school and shaped my development. When I moved to the United States and rejoined Salesforce as a Solutions Engineer (a Solutions Consultant), I entered the consolidation stage, where I had a good reputation among my co-workers. I received several promotions and awards. It was then that I decided to leave Salesforce and co-found Litify. I sought true advancement by moving from an individual contributor role to a CTO role and equity partner position, where I had more significant responsibilities than my previous role.
Additional Analyses
In addition to Super's Growth Theory, I have included an analysis of Brown, Hackett, and Lent's social cognitive career theory applied to this establishment narrative, which is available in Appendix C-Social Cognitive Career Theory at Establishment Stage.
Maintenance & Recycling Stages (46 to 60-65)
Maintenance Narrative
I joined Google in 2018 at 39, seeking a better work-life balance than my previous 60-hour weeks. Initially, Google felt like a utopia with incredible benefits, a diverse and inclusive culture, and a supportive environment. The arrival of Thomas Kurian as the new CEO of Google Cloud marked a shift towards more aggressive sales tactics reminiscent of Oracle (and Salesforce). While I initially thrived under this new leadership, COVID-19 drastically impacted our division's ability to meet sales targets, leading to widespread stress and missed goals. Google's diversity initiatives appeared to turn into a performance metric during this time, contributing to a toxic and fearful atmosphere. Despite my efforts to address these issues, including documenting cultural problems and proposing changes to our leadership team, the environment deteriorated. I developed health issues and faced constant team turnover, ultimately leading to my termination along with 12,000 others as COVID restrictions eased.
Additional Narrative
I have expanded on this maintenance narrative in Appendix D - Expanded Maintenance Narrative.
Super’s Maintenance Theory
Super's maintenance stage spans from around forty-six to ages sixty to sixty-five and contains several sub-stages: holding, updating/innovating, and decelerating (Sharf, 2013, p. 205). Maintenance refers to when an individual is not advancing and just maintaining their position in the workplace. Individuals in the maintenance stage may doubt whether their kind of work will still be available in a few years (Sharf, 2013, p. 247). The holding stage refers to an individual trying to hold on to the position they had; this may necessitate learning new skills and finding ways to adapt. In the holding stage, one may become very aware of what co-workers are up to and sensitive to threats like forced early retirements or mass layoffs. Updating and innovating are similar in that both stages refer to improving oneself. Updating is enhancing current skills with the latest information. Innovating refers to learning brand-new skills (Sharf, 2013, pp. 247-248). Super also describes a stage called "disengagement" to encapsulate substages of decelerating, retirement planning, and retirement living (Sharf, 2013, p. 249). The deceleration phase begins at the end of the maintenance phase (Sharf, 2013, p. 205). Deceleration refers to slowing down one's work and avoiding responsibility and pressures. Deceleration may occur due to mental decline, physical ailment, or lack of energy. Deceleration may put individuals at risk of losing their jobs. Conversely, individuals at this stage may have considerable wisdom on offer (Sharf, 2013, p. 249).
Super’s Recycling Theory
A crucial part of Super's Life Stage Theory is that individuals do not necessarily follow the order or duration of the stages described. Recycling refers to a point in time when one begins reassessing one's career; if one pursues a significant career change after a reassessment, then recycling is said to occur (Sharf, 2013, pp. 250-251). When recycling occurs, one returns to the exploration stage and moves to establishment, maintenance, and disengagement (Sharf, 2013, p. 205).
Hopson and Adams Model of Adult Transitions Theory
Hopson and Adams have developed a theory that conceptualizes how individuals may respond to career crises or transitions (Sharf, 2013, p. 264). Transitions may differ; for example, predictable transitions, such as planning for retirement, versus unpredictable transitions, such as a sudden death in the family. "Chronic hassles" are ongoing work problems, such as high stress or poor workplace interpersonal relationships, that may precipitate a transition. "Nonevents" are similar to hassles; they are things one hopes may happen but never do, such as getting promoted or re-entering the workforce after child caring. Transitions may also be voluntary or involuntary. Voluntary may refer to quitting one's job to pursue one's lifelong dream, and involuntary may be being unexpectedly laid off. A transition becomes a crisis with an element of problem associated with it (Sharf, 2013, pp. 264-265).
Hopson and Adams give us a seven-stage model to address career transitions. The seven stages are immobilization, minimization, self-doubt, letting go, testing out, searching for meaning, and internalization. Immobilization refers to the initial shock of being laid off; one typically will not be able to do anything, which may last from a few moments to a few months. Minimization is refusing to accept the magnitude of the change by making it sound more diminutive than it is, like denial. Minimization may alternate between elation and despair. Self-doubt refers to feeling scared about one's ability to perform and provide for oneself and dependents successfully. Letting go is the beginning of acceptance and looking toward the future; it may involve releasing emotions. Testing out is a stage where bursts of motivation reappear, the individual feels like they can do this, and they will begin experimenting with ways to shape their future. Search for meaning is a stage of consolidation between thoughts and feelings and self and others to bring an understanding of what happened. Internalization is the final stage and refers to a new life after the crisis, a new life that contains new values, coping skills, and personal growth (Sharf, 2013, pp. 271-276).
Application of Super’s Maintenance & Recycling Theories
Super's Maintenance Theory applies well to my time at Google. I did join with the intent to find more balance in my career and less stress. To me, balance meant still working hard (40-50 hours a week) but not pursuing large-scale career growth or working over 50-hour weeks and aligning with Super's holding sub-stage. Once COVID set in, what was a comfortable position became one filled with considerable doubt. The colleagues I spoke to were constantly scared about being laid off or restructured away. So was I. Many people turned to learning and innovating to try to secure their jobs. I also did this and accelerated my certifications, obtaining a highly coveted Google Cloud Professional Machine Learning Engineer Certification. I asked to be transferred to an AI role, believing I would be indispensable and lay off proof by being only one of few with these scarce skills.
Decelerating also occurred for many, sometimes presenting as "silent quitting." Many people used the time during COVID to not show up or do any work. I believed I was still working quite hard, putting in 30 hours a week, but it was difficult when no customers wanted to meet with us; there was not much to do. That is why I and many others focussed on learning and development. I do not think I was "silent quitting"; I believe others were since I got the sense that they only showed up for a handful of weekly meetings.
Application of Hopson and Adams Theory
Applying Hopson and Adams' theory to my narrative, I see chronic hassles leading up to the transition. The nonevent was constantly waiting for something to change, for example, to make a sale and deliver a project or for leaders to reduce our sales targets; this did not happen. The event that did happen was the layoffs. Being laid off is an unplanned and involuntary crisis. I have provided additional details regarding each stage below.
Immobilization. I recall waking up Friday morning and walking to the Google Chelsea offices. I swiped my badge, but it did not work. I went to the front desk, and they asked me to call a hotline. I decided to walk back home while I called the hotline. I was on hold on the hotline when my friend who works at Microsoft messaged me asking something like, "Are you safe from the layoffs? I heard Google is letting go a lot of people!". I explained that I did not know what he meant, but then I saw the news articles. It was not until then that I checked my personal email account and saw an email from Google saying something like, "We regret to inform you that we have eliminated your position." I was incredibly shocked. I did feel a sense of great peace and great relief, too.
I received calls from co-workers to find out who else was let go, and we sent messages on LinkedIn. Talking to colleagues, we believed the people who had complained about work were the ones let go. I called my loved ones to tell them the news; I spent the afternoon walking in Central Park. I was in shock for months. On the day of the layoffs, I remember my colleague who had survived the layoffs calling me and asking me what I would do. I remember saying something like, "Maybe something completely different, like helping drug addicts; I don't know.".
Minimization. In parallel to the shock, I felt a sense of minimization. It did alternate between elation and despair. Within the initial shock periods, there was even discussion of rejoining Google; my manager called me on the day of the layoffs and said he was sorry and did not know about this and that if new roles opened up, he would recommend me for them to come back. I also started a small amount of interviews at other tech companies, thinking I could find one that was the same; it would be fine. However, I felt I could no longer return to a 9 to 5 office tech job. My experience repulsed me, leaving me in a state of despair because what should I do if I were not to do tech? I felt elated by the possibility of something more meaningful but crushed by the feelings of uncertainty.
Self-doubt. Self-doubt played a role. I oscillated between periods of denial, saying, it is okay; it will be fine, then back into periods of extreme self-doubt. I felt I could not go back to a tech sales job anymore. The treatment of myself and others disgusted me, and I felt the entire industry was poisoned. However, this is the only career I have known. What could I do? I had a few ideas I wanted to pursue. Could I be a real coder and build some apps? I could work in a corporate IT department and help a company with its technology. I could pursue my passion, which was my autodidactic learning about philosophy and psychology, and my book club. These things seemed so new that I was unsure I could do them. I also had mortgages and bills I needed to pay; I could not afford to be unemployed forever; I needed to be a provider.
Letting go. The first part of letting go was ruling out specific actions, being decisive, and taking certain steps. The layoff was now my chance to pursue something more meaningful for me, so I applied to some undergraduate courses in psychology at City College. The college told me that if I could get a B or more in some core undergraduate courses, I may be under consideration for direct admission into a Master's program. After completing a Master's program, I could practice in the mental health field. I decided to act on this and stop considering applying to tech sales jobs. This decision was a big step in letting go of my previous identity. However, because I was not sure I would succeed in psychology, I put in place safety backup plans.
Testing out. I did become motivated at this stage. I pursued my application vigorously to City College, and when I was accepted, I worked as hard as possible in the courses. I did not limit myself just to studying at college. I put much effort into re-learning how to code in my spare time. I had coded a bit in college but only did a small quantity of it in my last jobs; my previous jobs were more customer-facing, sales, design, and architecture over code. So, whenever I was not at school, I spent the rest of my time coding and started getting much better at it. Coding was my backup angle; if I failed at being a mental health professional, I could go back to a coding job, which at least would involve less interpersonal politics, and I could work from home and still get paid well. My partner and I also decided to move out of Manhattan and escape that environment's stress. She had family in Rochester and serendipitously received a job offer there, so we decided to take the plunge and move.
Search for meaning. Our move to Rochester meant I needed to transfer my studies to Rochester. Fortunately, the University of Rochester accepted me for a Masters in Mental Health Counseling. After spending a few weeks at school at UofR, I felt confident I had made the right decision to enter the Mental Health Counseling field. I was enthusiastic and motivated like I had not been for many years. By doing this degree, I could improve the world. I could prevent another child from having to face the trauma and abuse I and my siblings faced. I also had my period misusing alcohol and stimulants; I could finally be in an environment where my darkness from the past became an asset. I still needed to figure out if I would succeed, but I was sure I needed to try.
Internalization. I had received good grades for my undergraduate courses. Still, it was not until I started getting into the Master's program and seeing that I was capable here, too, that I started feeling confident enough to begin to believe in my ability to be a mental health counselor. Even now, I am uncertain and nervous as it is a new field. It has only been recently, in the past few months, nearly 18 months after my layoff, that I have begun to internalize my new sense of self. I want to help repair the world by trying to fix the things that hurt me in my youth, so others are not as hurt by them. I want to do this through individual and group counseling and using my technology and business skills. This second part remains uncertain: How do I leverage my technology and business skills to help the world regarding mental health? I am not sure, but I have internalized this mission and have faith that if I take each step by step, I will find my way.
Additional Analyses
Super's Recycling Theory can be seen as apparent when we look at the narrative provided in the section above, Application of Hospson and Adams Theory to Narrative. I began reassessing my career and, in doing so, recommenced the stages, starting with the exploration stage and then moving forward to the establishment stage. I plan to continue establishing myself as a Mental Health Counselor and use my technology and business skills to contribute to the mental health field. Ultimately, I will likely move into the maintenance and disengagement phases of this career lifespan, although hopefully, I will only disengage much later in life.
In addition to Super's Maintenance Theory, I have included an analysis of spiritual perspective theory in this maintenance narrative, available in Appendix E-Spiritual Perspective Theory at Maintenance Stage. I have also included an analysis of constructivist and narrative theory in these maintenance and recycling narratives, available in Appendix F-Constructivist and Narrative Theory at Maintenance and Recycling Stage.
Conclusion
Reflecting on my career journey through the lens of Super's Lifespan Theory, Hopson and Adam's Model of Adult Transitions, alongside other theoretical perspectives, has offered profound insights into career development's dynamic and evolving nature. Each stage of my career, from Growth to Maintenance, has been marked by significant challenges and triumphs that have shaped my professional identity and aspirations. Hopson and Adam's model matches closely with my experience of a career crisis.
This Career Story exercise has proved a beneficial way to outline my narrative and apply theoretical lenses to obtain insights. I have taken one perspective of countless available, a perspective of me as a hero, overcoming childhood abuse to pursue wealth and prestige, to realize that authenticity and helping others are the real goals. Another way many others may see me is as the villain. I am a white man who, by all appearances, looks privileged. I have spent nearly my entire life trying to beat others in a competition to gain finances and prestige for myself only. We could synthesize the hero and villain dialectic and land on more of an anti-hero, someone who has both despicable and lovable parts, relatable due to his flaws. If it were up to me, though, I would prefer my character in the narrative to be nobody, an extra on the set in the background, a character who is hardly noticed, with no need to perform or entertain, who gets about his day by focusing on the small steps in front of him and doing them as best as he can. Not a character in any grand narrative.
References
Sharf, R. S. (2013). Applying career development theory to counseling (6th ed.). Cengage Learning.
Appendix A - Relational Theories at the Growth Stage
Relational Theories
Several relational theories appeared of interest. Attachment Theory seeks to classify the child based on their attachment pattern to their parent. According to Sharf (2013, p. 329), a secure attachment forms due to responsive parenting, an anxious-ambivalent attachment due to inconsistent parenting, and an avoidant pattern due to rejection of parenting. Researchers hypothesize that secure attachments encourage the child to explore their world more, allowing individuals to become more responsible and independent and perform better at work (Sharf, 2013, p. 330). Family-Systems Therapy provides us with two valuable concepts: the enmeshed family, where responsibilities are unclear, and the disengaged family, where there is an authoritarian relationship between parent and child. Research suggests enmeshed or disengaged families can strongly influence career development (Sharf, 2013, p. 333).
Phillip's Developmental-Relational Model expands the relational view from just parents to include additional relational influences such as extended family, teachers, peers, and friends (Sharf, 2013, pp. 334-335). Philips looked at how others engaged with the child to support them, from low to high involvement: nonactive support, unconditional support, information provided, alternatives provided, push/nudge, forced guidance, and criticism (Sharf, 2013, p. 336). Philips also looked at how individuals use others for support; this includes confident independence (false confidence), unsuccessful recruitment, insecure use of others, cautiousness, seeking information about self, weighing options, sounding board, and systematic (Sharf, 2013, p. 337).
Application of Relational Theories
From a relational perspective, for attachment theory, I had an anxious attachment toward my mother, who was available inconsistently and emotionally erratic. I had an avoidant attachment to my father; I used whatever means I could to avoid his abuse. From a family systems theory perspective, I had an enmeshed relationship within my family, with my mother using me as a de-facto partner, my younger siblings as a father figure, and my father as disengaged, authoritarian, seeing me as his enemy. These relationship models probably interfered with my ability to relate to others in some future career stages.
Leveraging Phillips's theory, I received nonactive and unconditional support from my mother and forced guidance and criticism from my father. I received alternatives provided by many school teachers. Many of my friends were "computer nerds," so my peer groups probably gave me a "push/nudge" towards a career in computing, reinforcing my already strong desire. The media was a big role model for me. TV especially offered a "push/nudge" for white men like me to be active in the workforce by going to university and pursuing a career in technology, especially.
Appendix B - Trait and Factor Theories at the Exploration Stage
Trait and Factor Theories
Trait and Factor theory appeared relevant at this stage of development. Holland's theory of types aims to map a person's personality to the right career. (Sharf, 2013, p. 119). Holland devises six categories of personality types: realistic, investigative, artistic, social, enterprising, and conventional (Sharf, 2013, p. 120). Instruments such as the Self Directed Search (SDS) allow individuals to identify their Holland types (Sharf, 2013, p. 119). An individual finds an occupation type that matches their Holland codes using dictionaries such as "The Occupation Finder" or others (Sharf, 2013, p. 132). Finding a good fit is called congruence (Sharf, 2013, p. 126) and is an essential construct for Holland's theory.
Work Adjustment Theory (WAT) is another relevant Trait and Factor theory. Initially designed for individuals needing vocational rehabilitation, it is now used by many. Two significant components predict success in a career: Is the employee satisfied with what they are doing? Moreover, satisfactoriness: Is the employer satisfied with the employee? (Sharf, 2013, p. 94). WAT analyzes an employee's abilities and the employer's values or needs. Included in the analysis is a consideration of the personality and interests of the employee, done by a general aptitude test battery (GATB) (Sharf, 2013, p. 95).
Application of Trait and Factor Theories
If I were to do a Self Directed Search (SDS) assessment for when I was 18-25 to find my Holland codes, I could have been an EIC (Enterprising, Investigative, and Conventional), with enterprising being the highest category. I was willing to do almost whatever it took to make money. I also had a love for technology and learning, emphasized by my investigative trait, and I was highly logical, structured, and organized, emphasized by my conventional trait. According to O*NET OnLine (n.d.), sales representatives in technical and scientific products require both enterprising and conventional interests (E and C). I leveraged my investigative ability to obtain complex technical product knowledge and solve problems at work.
Regarding work adjustment theory, my abilities were that I was technically knowledgeable, well-spoken, charismatic, and incredibly hard-working. The job required that I form relationships with stakeholders and convince them to do things (purchase technology). I needed to make money, exercise my technical skills, and feel prestige. My employers offered me these things, and I made much money for them and myself. I believe that because I was a white man in Australia, I had many advantages in securing these jobs. I was able to successfully hide my low socioeconomic status and family of origin by modeling myself off of white male businesspeople I saw, both in reality and in the media. By copying their behavior, I felt I could wear a suit and pretend. I was not unattractive; I appeared intelligent and charming, and I was a white man. For these reasons, many opportunities opened up. If I did not have these advantages, I see myself turning to crime to make money.
Appendix C - Social Cognitive Career Theory at the Establishment Stage
Social Cognitive Career Theory
Bandura's Social Cognitive Theory forms the basis of Social Cognitive Career Theory (SCCT). A key to the theory is self-efficacy, which is the belief in oneself and one's abilities. SCCT analyzes the environment, personal factors, and actual behavior. These factors are a triadic reciprocal interaction system (Sharf, 2013, p. 376). Outcome expectations refer to what an individual thinks will happen in their career if they perform a given action. Goals refer to organizing behavior in order to guide actions over some time. Self-efficacy, outcome expectations, and goals are interrelated in SCCT (Sharf, 2013, p. 379).
SCCT also considers contextual factors, such as a supportive family or culture, which can be supportive, enabling an individual to achieve their career goals. Contextual factors can also be barriers, such as lack of financial resources or being a racial minority. These contextual factors can also be background, operating more at the cultural level, or proximal influences, which occur at a point in time, such as a helpful teacher (Sharf, 2013, p. 380). SCCT explains the interrelation between Self-efficacy, Interests, Outcome Expectations, Goals, Actions, Learning, and Performance.
Application of Social Cognitive Career Theory
Social Cognitive Career Theory is an interesting lens to apply at this career stage. By this career stage, I had very high self-efficacy in the work domain. Not in other parts of my life, but in work I did. Despite bouts of interpersonal workplace conflict, I still had a continued string of success at work; I had proof from empirical feedback that I was considered a top performer in almost every team I joined. However, I remained unsatisfied and craved more success, which left me always wanting more. I lacked patience and tact, which caused interpersonal conflict. The gap was my outcome expectations; I was ignorant and selfish and wanted the prestige of managing a team or division. I expected that if I worked harder, I would achieve this. So, I set this as my goal. I did not realize that to manage people, one needs to care about them and be giving instead of selfish.
Once again, I was still receiving a lot of supportive contextual factors around this time. The background culture was a workplace that white men very much dominated. It was highly competitive and valued aggression and hard work. This environment supported me because I fit in with it at the time. I also received proximal support from many individuals I met; I imagine they thought I was worthy of helping and created opportunities and openings for me to succeed. Still, the specter of my family's past was another context affecting me; my pain and low self-esteem kept me pushing to consume myself in work and validate myself based on the money I received; this was a very negative context, I came across as selfish, greedy and insecure, and it prevented me from moving into any significant leadership roles. I realized I needed to change myself and how I saw the world. I hoped a more balanced career at Google would give me time for the self-work I had been distracting myself from with superficial pursuits.
Appendix D - Expanded Maintenance Narrative
I joined Google in 2018 at age thirty-nine, younger than a typical maintenance stage for a career. I decided to focus on work-life balance instead of the 60-hour weeks and stress I had before. When I first arrived at Google, it was a magical wonderland. Everything I heard about it was true: the amazing office in Manhattan, fifteen 15-minute walk from my condo, the scooters to use in the hallways, the free gourmet restaurants for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, the nap pods, the massage rooms, the salary and stock package, benefits, it was incredible. I remember attending meetings, and it indeed was a sensationally diverse, inclusive, and caring environment. I did not see the egos or competition I had seen in previous companies. Everyone shared in meetings and we all seemed to care about each other; people were so kind and relaxed, and the managers were often amazing mentors. People were taking it easy! The work was a cakewalk; people did not appear stressed, and we all seemed to be hitting sales targets effortlessly while the stock price kept climbing! It was a utopia.
There was one catch: Our division, Google Cloud, was not profitable; it was making considerable losses. The Google / Alphabet parent division funded it. Google Cloud announced a new CEO to replace Diane Greene shortly after I arrived. The new CEO was Thomas Kurian, who liked to be called TK. TK was joining Google from Oracle, and it was his job to make Google Cloud profitable. Oracle is known in the industry for its conservative-leaning CEO, Larry Ellison; this seemed to have people at Google worried about TK changing the mainly liberal democratic culture at Google. Significant changes did indeed come, and fast. During my tenure, we engaged in hyper-growth mode, hiring salespeople and support staff, moving from a few thousand to tens of thousands in our division. I must admit I initially felt a little like a fox amongst the hens in the relaxed Google culture when I first joined, but that was soon to change, as TK brought packs of wolves, bloodthirsty, seasoned Oracle salespeople. A fox was nothing compared to these.
At first, I was enjoying this shift; I was back with people I was used to working with, intense, determined, competitive, aggressive individuals here to make big sales happen. I did well in sales under Diane Greene and at the beginning of TK's reign. I believe I did 108% of the quota under Greene, and for the first period under TK, my small team of three did 180% and won some awards from our new divisional sales leader. What was strange, though, was that I received a three out of five on my performance review (about 50% of people receive a three, according to what my manager said). My engineering manager's feedback was that, although my sales numbers were good, I needed more narrative reviews from my peers and cross-functional leaders to demonstrate that I contributed beyond just sales. For example, they wanted me to help Google innovate. I should write a blog and get 100,000 views, collaborate with our product organization to launch new features, or present on stage at our conferences. I was used to customers and sales being number one. However, I took on the feedback. However, in early 2020, as we all know, COVID-19 hit. COVID changed everything, and we were all in shock.
One incredible thing happened at Google when COVID hit: Google surged in success overall, with many people now at home and using Google search and related products far more. For Google Cloud, the opposite happened. Google Cloud was already in a third market position after AWS and Microsoft. Our job was to convince companies not using Google Cloud (say 95% of the market) to use it. Starting to use Google Cloud was viable before COVID; we would meet with clients and sell them. However, after COVID hit, nearly all the prospects we talked to canceled any new technology projects to respond to COVID-19. Deploying a new cloud technology like Google Cloud was taken off the agenda. So for the next three years of my career, I (and if I were to guess from people I spoke to, data I could see, and those posting on internal message boards) and probably eighty percent of the rest of Google Cloud missed our sales targets. My particular division, Fortune 100 Financial Services, was incredibly hard hit. Most of us missed our sales targets by tremendous amounts.
Surprisingly, the Financial Services division did tolerably well overall; it had concentrated revenue in a handful of key accounts already using Google Cloud. It seemed that what the leaders did was to double down on customers already using the service and grow them through contractual incentives, while everyone else (a majority of the frontline staff) tried as hard as we could to sign new customers even though this was proving very difficult. In sales, companies typically plot individual performance against a standard curve, with about 70-80% of employees hitting the target and 20-30% missing it. Using a standard curve like this has been my experience in the industry. For my time in Google Cloud, if I had to guess based on patchy data and anecdotal evidence, I would say about 80% of people missed the target, and 20% achieved it. I felt that it was unethical to advertise jobs to the market, claiming that individuals would make commissions when, in reality, only a minority of the staff were making advertised commissions. It seemed as if our tens of thousands of staff felt this; COVID had already stressed people, and now had this additional stress of missing target, compounding this atmosphere for, say, three years, and the wonderful utopian culture at Google suddenly turned dystopian.
The Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) teams were part of the dystopian transformation. What before COVID seemed like a genuinely authentic effort to foster inclusion and create a fantastic work culture, I believe, became weaponized as a defense mechanism for individuals afraid of losing their jobs and for ideological activists to push their agenda. There seemed to be a change, so compensation became tightly tied to DEI stats. Beforehand, DEI seemed to be a soft metric, something people pursued because they genuinely believed in it, but during COVID, there seemed to be a transition to tie all performance reviews to hard DEI numbers. As a manager or above, you would now make tens to hundreds of thousands more in stock by having officially diverse (as recognized by HR) individuals in your team. People seemed to begin pursuing DEI not because they wanted to but because of the money or power it would bring. A whole second shadow economy of trading diverse individuals appeared. Google famously invented the diversity workshop called “I Am Remarkable” to create their pioneering diverse culture. However, these workshops now seemed to transform into disciplinary sessions where managers told our teams to join "or else" in efforts to oppress the tumult.
I recall my heart sinking when I watched the newest version of our mandatory company-wide diversity training. It directly instructed employees and managers to give choice projects to diverse individuals over non-diverse, that is, over people like me. Efforts to attract and hire diverse candidates accelerated, and Google's famously stringent hiring process, which I originally went through, was relaxed, despite protests, to create a new expedited hiring process that was less stringent. The new hires we brought on also rarely or never got to visit a Google office due to COVID, so they could not assimilate into the former Google culture. In order to attract more diverse candidates, Google expanded the population pool from which they drew. Google included individuals who do not have historically typically relevant experience or tenure. For example, instead of requiring ten years of experience for a role, individuals with five or fewer were considered, or if having worked for a software company used to be a requirement, now it was expanded to say those with just some familiarity with software. These hiring changes meant, statistically, that our teams had become populated by a significant heterogeneity of skills and values. Without the chance to assimilate, in the backdrop of rampant failure to meet sales targets, this led to task incompetence and fueled chaos and fear. Hiring became more subject to nepotism and the objectification and trading of diverse individuals to meet DEI quotas. The true fairness, kindness, inclusivity, and diversity that Google had when I joined felt like it had disappeared to me. There seemed just incompetence and defense mechanisms leading to toxicity.
I felt the writing was on the wall for me. Our team had already had around 100% turnover yearly over the past three years. The average tenure at Google was already around two years; people tended to get it on their resume and leave. I had been there for almost four years, the most tenured in my team. For the prior three years, we only made a minority of our sales target. It was the first time in my career that I had ever missed a sales target. I recall I had a new manager every six months. I felt like I was inside the Stanford Prison Experiment. I was also getting sick; I developed a health condition, brachial neuritis, and instead of getting better, it kept getting worse. Google looked like something other than an environment where I could succeed. I decided to either change it or get fired trying. I began meeting with my peers and documenting opinions on what we described as a toxic culture. I had several supporters. My comrades in this initiative were a diverse set of sincere representatives of our engineering team. We communicated that we had lost psychological safety and wanted it restored. I went to our division VP and explained that we wanted to change our culture and sales targets. I said people were generally underhanded, manipulative, and abusive, and having most people miss targets is unethical. Our VP listened to me and agreed at face value to help. I spent the next few weeks with my peers, trying to collect data on our problems and how to fix them.
COVID was ending at this time, and we could have some customer meetings onsite and return to our offices. I hoped that things were about to change and that we could reset the sales targets and culture and return to the Google culture I saw when I joined. I had an onsite meeting with a bank in North Carolina. I was there as the AI specialist engineer to try and help them design a system to automate the processing of disbursement request documents. This project could have gone better, but we hoped to meet onsite and get it back on track. I left Thursday night to fly home after a reasonably successful client meeting. I woke up the following day to learn that I, and 12,000 others, had been fired from Google. Also, all of the people who had been vocal in supporting me to solve the lack of psychological safety and toxic culture were singled out and fired along with me from our team. People who did not speak up remained employed.
One way to read this expanded narrative is that I sound incredibly selfish, petty, ungrateful, and bitter. I was allowed to work at Google and still earn great money while the stock price kept rising throughout COVID, even as many others were unemployed, underemployed, or very ill and passed away. How could I still feel the need to complain? One may think, why should it matter that you and others did not hit the target? In the grand scheme of things, you still were in a good place. Nearly anyone else would be thrilled to be in your position. Why are you complaining about DEI initiatives finally taking effect and helping people who genuinely need it when your whole life you have benefited from being a white man? That is a valid point. I would respond by saying I genuinely care about social justice. When I missed the target and saw diverse individuals being promoted and advancing over non-diverse, it probably was the first time in my life that I felt like I experienced injustice.
My biggest realization was that black lives matter, and we need to stop asian hate, help women and LGBTQ+ in so many ways. However, we also need to help abused children like me and my siblings. There was no march or rally to stop child abuse. Someone who experienced child abuse was not considered diverse. Does this mean child abuse pain is normalized, accepted, and allowed by society? I felt that was unacceptable. However, it is still stigmatized to talk about child abuse in public discourse. Part of my realization was that we need to expand the lens of diversity to include anyone who has suffered trauma.
Whether you are facing sexism, racism, war, poverty, abuse, child abuse, disability, illness, neurodivergence, displacement, ageism, drug addiction, homelessness, prison, or whatever it may be, you should be able to be considered diverse. Furthermore, diversity should not be something that individuals solely self-report. Arbitrary factors like skin color, eye shape, or gender should not determine diversity. Mental health practitioners should validate diversity through individualized assessments. Similar to how one applies for disability or a service animal. People could seek recognition as diverse. Then, affirmative action programs could support those certified as diverse due to trauma. I realized this was how I wanted the world to be and that I needed to devote my life to helping it become this way. This is what I was fighting for.
Appendix E - Spiritual Perspective Theory at Maintenance Stage.
Spiritual Perspective Theory
Sharf (2013, p. 399) describes spirituality in career decision-making as a "descriptive" approach. It facilitates the individual searching within to intuit a career they believe will offer deep meaning for them. The spiritual perspective is opposite to a "prescriptive" approach that may use rational assessments and information to instruct clients on what may be best for them (Sharf, 2013, p. 399).
One particular spiritual approach is that of Bloch and Richmond. They outline seven themes reflecting a spiritual counseling approach: change, balance, energy, community, calling, harmony, and unity. Bloch and Richmond suggest that change may be internal or external, that change is likely to bring up emotions, and that it may be helpful to be open to change and to use one's strengths to cope with it. Balance refers to finding the right attitudes and actions to delineate between parts of one's life, for example, work versus family or play. Energy refers to the force that creates and drives change; having work that generates positive energy (or flow) is vital. Work also offers a means of the community; community, therefore, may be addressed by work or outside means. Different kinds of community include companionship, culture, or cosmic communities. Calling means listening to an inner voice or sign and following it to provide meaning, purpose, joy, and well-being. Harmony refers to finding a balance between knowing yourself and knowing the activities that match with you. Finally, unity refers to trusting that things will turn out and that one's work and actions are part of something larger, the whole (Sharf, 2013, pp. 401-404).
Application of Spiritual Perspective Theories
In order to properly apply a spiritual lens to my recycling phase, I must add more to the original narrative. I grew up without religion and adopted a world view of predominantly hedonism. After ceasing the use of alcohol and drugs and continuing deep work with my therapist, I began exploring spirituality. Two of the most important steps I took were meditation and reading. In 2017, I began a practice of transcendental meditation. It consists of 40 minutes of meditation daily, 20 minutes upon waking, and 20 minutes in the evening. Meditation has been a profoundly meaningful experience for me, and short of stopping alcohol and substances, this has been the most crucial choice in my life. I continue this today and hope to do so for the rest of my life.
In 2018, my spiritual journey expanded into reading. Since then, I have read about 70 books in close detail and completed around 200 audiobooks. Typically, it is all on the topics of philosophy or psychology. Some of the most impactful works I have read include Plato's complete works, with Timaeus as a favorite—many of Nietzsche's works, specifically The Genealogy of Morals and the Gay Science. The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir was very impactful. The Bhagavad Gita, The Dhammapada, The Torah, and The Gospels were also very impactful. With his work Either / Or, Kierkegaard had a significant impact on me, as did The Will to Change by Bell Hooks; Baudrillard's Simulacra and Simulation had a significant impact, and Darwin's On the Origin of Species. In 2019, I started a book club, which has been the primary vehicle by which I conduct my readings; the club has over 3000 members, and we usually meet twice a week (maybe 5-10 people each meeting) to discuss a given reading. I have spent close to 1,000 hours facilitating group discussions on these and other texts, and I probably have spent a more significant number of hours than that reading and thinking on these topics.
As a result of this work, I have developed a personal spirituality and conception of God that works for me. Due to this work, spirituality has shifted to become the most essential part of my life. With this background, I would like to apply Bloch and Richmond's model of spiritual career counseling. I have addressed the seven themes below and how they apply to my spirituality and career.
Change. Change for me happened both internally and externally. At first, there was an internal desire to quit drinking and substance misuse, which led to external enactment. This change led to wanting to improve, which found meditation and reading as external enactments. I was led ultimately to a realization that my life was facing the wrong direction and I needed to turn it around 180 degrees, which resulted in my new career as a Mental Health Counselor. I have learned to become open to change; I was initially resistant. I have also learned to lean into my emotions, feel them, and connect with them authentically rather than stoically repressing them.
Balance. Taking the job at Google was one of the most significant steps I took to find balance. I took this job to find more balance between work and my health. Upon reflection, it was an excellent first step, but more was needed. The need for more change is why I am now denouncing the kind of financial excess and hollow prestige I pursued in the past to take a job as a Mental Health Counselor and obtain far more balance. I want to become a father and share parenting duties with my spouse, and I also want to be actively engaged in the Rochester community.
Energy. What drove me in the past and allowed me to generate energy was sharing knowledge to help others. That was my favorite part of my work in software; explaining complicated technical concepts or designing solutions gave me a great sense of energy. When the client praised me, and we got paid money for it, it validated that energy. Now, I still want to gain knowledge to solve highly complicated problems. However, I want this knowledge to be in the field of Mental Health, and I want the reward for doing this not to be money or praise but the knowledge that I am doing something that I think is good and true to myself, to bring me energy and flow.
Community. In the past, I was isolated and obtained a sense of community via my workplace. All of my friends were work friends; the activities we used to bond with were work and going out drinking after work. Work was all I had after being estranged from my family for a long time. I have since realized that work cannot provide me with a sufficient community. I deserve a community based on true love and connection, not based on being contingent on financial performance. I want to build this community myself, and I am doing it through my own family, creating real friends locally, and also via my book club.
Calling. I have read about Socrates, Goethe, and Napoleon, who had an inner voice or guiding sign directing their life. For Socrates, he called it his daemon, Napoleon his guiding star. I have also heard that Joan of Arc, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Nikola Tesla, and Gandhi had similar. I did not understand this until a few years ago when I started seeing symbols and images within my meditation sessions. I spent time trying to interpret them; they seemed to offer a meaning the same way dreams did. Recently, in the last two years or so, these symbols have developed into a voice I can call on if I quiet my mind to ask questions. The voice responds and tells me what to do. I have committed my life to following this voice.
Harmony. Harmony means balancing knowing yourself with activities that match. Right now, I am at the beginning stage after years of trying to find who I am; I have a conception of who my authentic self could be. I am now undertaking studies to gain the skills I need to be the person I want to be. Once I graduate and can begin to practice and stabilize my life, I hope I will be in proper harmony.
Unity. We each have an ego. An ego is often attached to some group identity. The ego and group identity tend to "other" things, finding them different from oneself or one's group. It is this "othering," in my opinion, that causes much pain. When I understood a conception of God and soul, (even if they are only "regulating conceptions," as Kant says), it gave me unity. I could now see my ego as something much smaller and more concentrated, say divine life or a soul. The concept of the soul reduced my needs and made them much smaller. I no longer need many things or possessions but just enough for my divine life to shine on. We can see "other" instead of being another individual or group as God. By seeing "other" as God, we focus our love on that single concept, creating a sense of unity with the whole. Without God, the other becomes something lower, and usually an archetype or group that we incorrectly project negative emotion into. When we zoom out to see the whole, we can see how things became the way they are and why everything is right now in its right place.
Appendix F - Constructivist and Narrative Theory at Recycling Stage.
Constructivist and Narrative Theory
Narrative approaches come from psychological constructivism. Constructivism developed from post-modernism and refers to an individual's ability to create their own truths (Sharf, 2013, p. 295). We will look at Cochran's Model of Narrative Career Counseling. Cochran develops a seven-phase approach, broken down into "episodes" and grouped into three parts. Part one is making meaning out of a career and includes the episodes elaborating on a career problem, composing a life history, and eliciting a future narrative. Part two is about active enactment and includes the episodes constructing a reality, changing a life structure, and enacting a role. The final part and episode for Cochran is crystallizing a decision (Sharf, 2013, p. 299).
Application of Constructivist and Narrative Theory
Part One - Making Meaning Out of Career. The general meaning I have made out of my career narrative so far is that my life was going in the wrong direction. I put financial rewards and prestige above authenticity and caring for others. I was isolated, which limited my ability to advance in my career and life. The reason I put financial rewards and prestige ahead of authenticity and caring for others was that I felt I was worthless due to childhood abuse and was trying to compensate. I no longer feel worthless and want to change. It is also possible that much of society, indeed the people I used to work with, did this too, and maybe the entire system is corrupted. So I want to change myself and now help society.
Elaborating a Career Problem. The career problem is, how do I change, and what do I change to become? It is difficult to change one's 20-year-plus career into something brand new. It also requires many sacrifices. How do I financially support myself and my loved ones as I transition? How do I handle moving to a brand new city with less stress and overhead to make my dream a reality? How do I leverage the skills I obtained in my previous 20-year career in my new field? How do I decide what role I want to take in helping people? How will I be any good at it?
Composing a Life History. The history, at least as it relates to my career, is provided to a certain extent in the prior narratives. Many details of this narrative are omitted, but it can serve in its current state as an example.
Eliciting a Future Narrative. A future narrative may look something like this. I graduate from a master's program in Mental Health Counseling in Rochester. Unlike the isolation I have felt prior, I focus on becoming connected to the local community. I focus on helping the local community instead of the greed I showed before. One way I do this is by offering Mental Health Counseling services to groups and individuals. Mental Health Counseling pays me a fraction of what I earned before, but it is enough to live and support my family humbly. In parallel, I continue advancing my studies in the field and explore ways I can, with others, have a more significant impact. For example, we could launch a software company in the mental health space or open an inpatient facility to scale the provision of services.
Part Two - Active Enactment. These entail active steps to make the future narrative a reality.
Constructing a Reality. Constructing a reality involves the specifics of exactly what I want to do, for example, which city I live in, which college I will choose to study at, and what work I will do while studying to support myself.
Changing a Life Structure. These are the changes made to enable this new structure. They include moving cities, finding tenants for my old property to cover some of my mortgage costs, and doing a budget to understand if I can make this happen.
Enacting a Role. This stage means making my role a reality. I have begun this by taking classes, but it will only become full when I can successfully practice as a mental health counselor and have empirical proof of my ability by getting paid for this work. I would also need to internalize this as my new identity, but I am not there yet. I see this taking a few more years.
Part Three - Crystallizing a Decision. This final part and episode means committing to this new role. I have an income that can support my current expenses and stability on that front, as well as an ability to deliver mental health counseling at a high level and a new identity that feels stable and complete and that I can hold on to for the future.
